farewell to stanley.

we said goodbye to stanley this morning. he went peacefully. and i feel we made the right decision keeping him here instead of sending him to a butcher. it was a hard day. and i'm tired. either i or jason will post more on the harvest later. but for now, a glass of wine to toast a noble beast.

stanley's repreive.

so, january 5th rolled around. d-day for the cows. our cow, and my in-law's two cows. we had made arrangements for them to be taken to a butcher in ironton, missouri. why a butcher? after all, we successfully harvested our pigs. right? well, cows are much bigger. first off, they can weigh up to 1,000 pounds. and need to be hung immediately after being killed. we didn't think we had the expertise nor the equipment. second, beef should be aged for approximately one week. we didn't think this would be possible outside with the spontaneously warm weather we are having. so, we investigated butchers. most butchers we found could not guarantee you get your actual cow back in meat. they could only guarantee the weight and the cuts. we searched high and low for a butcher that would guarantee we would receive meat from the cows we specifically raised on pasture, free of chemicals and processed foods. we found a nice place. and made an appointment back in october. the soonest he could get us in was january. so we waited.

meanwhile, we harvested pigs successful.

so d-day arrives... and i'm having doubts. what about everything i said about raising animals humanely, about them never having to suffer, about them living their entire lives on our farm without a care in the world? as we are rounding up t-bone & blue boy (in-laws cows) into a trailer, jason is having the same doubts. it just doesn't feel right. i don't know who said it first, but we blurted out, "we should harvest stanley ourselves."

but stanley isn't just our cow. we share him with sam (our drummer) and his wife kate. so a quick phone call to sam and our plan is secured. sam felt the same.

we did some research about aging meat. apparently it is possible to age in a refrigerator. the meat might not be as tender. i feel this is a small sacrifice for us to make compared to the sacrifice stanley is making to feed us for an entire year.

so, stanley got a reprieve. at least until the boys prepare a proper hanging/lifting device suitable for a 9 foot long 700/800 pound cow. he is enjoying the extra attention and hay. and feels pretty darn lucky.

stanley giving raspberries to the butcher

beans don't burn on the grill.

this was one of our first dinners using fresh pork. grilled porkchops, beans, & cornbread (courtesy of happy joe's). what would i do without a husband that can cook?

hog harvest.

last sunday was hog harvest day. besides the occasional turkey or chicken, our pigs were the first two livestock we raised and harvested for meat by ourselves. people wonder how we can do this? why do we do this? because we want to take resposiblity for the meat we eat. we want to know that the meat we consume comes from cruelty free, chemical free, and hormone free animals. it is not easy. but it is a choice.

i'm warning you... this will probably be my longest blog post ever. it will also be graphic. vegetarians may not want to read.

let's see... where do i begin? i spent all day saturday crying. i cried for my two swine friends, dagmar & cocoa. i knew their day had come. this was their plan. they didn't know it. they had no concept of mortality. they lived to eat, run, play, and sleep. they lived a happy life. especially compared to what their outcome could have been. we purchased them from an animal auction. their brothers & sisters probably went to live their lives in pig pens with no grass, possibly no sunshine, to stand in their own filth, and to eat processed feed. dagmar & cocoa got to run free, to eat grass & flowers & bugs & whatever their noses unveiled. they went swimming in the pond. they played with the puppies. they never suffered one day since they stepped foot on our farm. even at the end.

so, how does one harvest a pig? well, first you need to wait until the temperature outside is cold enough. the meat will need to stay outside until thoroughly chilled. this was a problem for most of november & december. the weather had been totally erratic. but sunday, december 21st, turned out to be well below freezing.

next, you need a group of friends and family to help. you will be building a fire, hanging meat, cleaning, butchering, and packaging. it is quite an operation. your harvest team will be an invaluable support system. you will share things together that will bond you for life.

so, it's saturday. the day before d-day. and i'm crying my eyes out. i feed dagmar & cocoa their last supper. i play with them. let them rub their muddy noses on my pants legs one last time. i call it "getting pigged". there is no escaping the barnyard with clean jeans when there are pigs about. i say goodbye. i go back inside and try to keep busy by cleaning & crying. finally, i take a xanax and try to sleep.

the alarm goes off way too early. 5:30am. it's still dark outside. but i get up. make coffee. do some last minute cleaning before the harvest team arrives. sam & parents arrive first. his mom (cathy) brings us homemade chicken noodle soup, cookies, donuts, and a sub sandwich. his dad (gary) brings a truck load of supplies (tables, saws, tools, knives, pots, etc..). jason's dad (glenn)and uncle (george) arrive next. they are seasoned hunters. they bring guns & expertise.

i had previously decided not to be present during the actual slaughter. so cathy and i settle inside the house and keep the coffee brewing and watch the dogs.

step one: jason, sam, gary, glenn & george head out to the barn. they build a fire to keep them warm as it's bitterly cold. they get all their tools, equipment, etc.. in place. they lead dagmar into the pig house. let him drink some milk. while he is drinking, one quick bullet to the brain severs his spinal cord and drops him instantly. no struggle. no pain. his soul is free. he is no longer he but is now meat. the body is hung to bleed and to be skinned, cut in half, & gutted. the feet and head are removed.

the men bring the hog sides to the house and place them on a table outside. cathy and i wash the bodies with water and brushes.

washed sides of pork

the meat chills outside for several hours while butchering and packaging preparations are made. and the same process is repeated for cocoa.

ok, let's take a break. nellie (aka "little bit") gives us some levity....

little bit helps

step two: a side of pork is brought into the kitchen. jason, sam, and gary consult meat cutting guides (ala the navy's meat cutting book & an old farm journal magazine courtesy of gary).

butchering tools

consulting the guide

they begin by removing the lard (white fat on the outside of meat). lard is placed in tubs to render later. then the actual cuts of meat are created. cuts are placed on plates and handed to cathy & i to package. i vacuum sealed our cuts in plastic using a black & decker freshguard. i know plastic is not the most environmentally conscious method. but this method can keep frozen meat good for up to 2 years and the plastic bags are reusable (save, wash, & boil). i just can't bear the thought of losing any of the precious meat we have been fortunate enough to harvest. that would be a wasted life.

the packages are labeled with the cut of meat and the date. then chilled for several hours in the refrigerator before being placed in the freezer. scrap cuts of meat are ground and saved for making sausage. the bones are either boiled or baked for soup and/or dog treats. the liver and other choice sweat meats are saved as well for dog treats. the heads are saved head cheese. and the feet (or trotters as the english say) are saved for either stew, soup or pickled pigs feet.

we are finished around 4:30pm. we split the meat between us and sam's family. sam's share fits into two coolers. he leaves his bacon and ham for us to cure. as well as the sausage meat. our share fits in our freezer. the balance (ham, sausage, & bacon) takes up most of our fridge.

hams & bacon

freezer meats

sam, gary & cathy drive home. jason leaves to pick up my christmas present at a remote location several hours away (more on that later). i mop the kitchen floor which looks like a crime scene. then drive to my mother's house to celebrate an early christmas.

and that, in brief, is how one harvests a hog. coming up next... making your own sausage.

*** after re-reading this, i feel i have glossed over the process. it was physically and emotionally draining. at the end of harvest day, i was beat. and i questioned whether i wanted to go through this again. but after a few days of rest and reflection, i have no regrets. as long as we eat pork, we will continue to raise our own. i will continue to name my pigs, to treat them with respect, to enjoy their presence, and to cry when their time has come.

season of the dead.

i celebrated my first halloween on the farm. i bought candy, carved a pumpkin, dressed up myself and the dogs, lit a candelabra full of long orange tapered candles, and waited for trick or treaters. i knew it would be a stretch expecting anyone to venture out to our little farm by way of our dark and practically hidden driveway on the outskirts of town. but we did manage to attract one brave family... a boy pirate and his baby pumpkin sister. they ventured up to our doorstep and i rewarded them with handfuls of chocolate. although, the pirate came unprepared. no trick. he made a last minute attempt at a joke after receiving his bounty. but it wasn't really funny. it was a tad profane, actually. leaving his mom and i bewildered. kids these days.

this weekend is also all saints day, all souls day, Día de los Muertos. as i sit with a wilting jack o'lantern and a basketful of leftover individually wrapped morsels of sugar-coated evil, i am surrounded by falling leaves, browning grass, dying crickets, spiders crawling into every crevice of our home desperately trying to stay warm, and very large, restless and hungry livestock. it occurs to me this must be why folks celebrate these holidays in autumn. it is a time to die. plants die. bugs die. and sadly... livestock die. our pigs, cows, and turkeys have grown big and strong on fresh grass, vegetables, bugs, and sunshine all summer long. the pasture is dying. their days are numbered. their purpose, in this life, is to feed our family. as a born & raised city girl, i am having a hard time with this concept. meat always just came from the store in neat little plastic-covered packages. not from my backyard.

so, by coincidence or maybe in a subconscious celebration of the day of the dead , we harvested our first animal yesterday... a rooster that my father-in-law raised and gave us to eat. i don't feel like going into great detail... but it was done in what we feel was a humane way. i cried a lot. it was a hard day for us.

at dinner jason read this quote from kahlil gibran (which is also mentioned in the book "animal, vegetable, miracle" by barbara kingsolver):

"When you kill a beast, say to him in your heart: By the same power that slays you, I too am slain, and I too shall be consumed. For the law that delivers you into my hand shall deliver me into a mightier hand. Your blood and my blood is naught but the sap that feeds the tree of heaven."

we ate dinner by candle light. curry chicken with vegetables and basmati rice which we shared with the dogs. and acknowledged a page in our lives turning.

meet stanley.

the newest addition to our family.

some might think it cruel to raise a cow for food. but as long as we continue to eat meat, i think raising our own is a humane thing to do. we are taking responsibility. and giving this little guy a great life. he will be free of growth hormones and chemicals. he will have pastures to roam, natural food to eat, and plenty of love. i will cry when he goes away. but at least i will know where he came from.

stanley, the cow.

stanley's friends, blue boy and t-bone.

the proud parents.