wintertime and the living is breezy

a wise sweater-chop supervises

goose ballet

strider!

annie warms up inside

junior is ready for rabbit season

tito flirts with camera

herschel fully recovered from rehab

a rare shot of camera-shy eunice

milky milk.

this weekend, a 1000 pound animal was delivered to my doorstep. may the milk cow. and i feel transformed. i'm on a whole new level of farming. i feel old timey. and yet simultaneously progressive. but mostly, i'm just completely in awe. this giant animal gives forth milk. something of which i am not capable (see breast cancer). she has taken to our farm immediately. making it her own. and settling into a routine. so effortlessly.

first day's milking (i'm up to two gallons a day now!)

and i am not the only family member that has fallen head over heels for may. the dogs, pigs, chickens are in heaven. and the cat who rarely shows emotion. well, he is... reluctantly content.

pigs love milk!

a milk-nosed chop

jerry says, " i don't mind if i do"

and later has milk obsession embarrassment

beat the heat with comic relief.

choppy learns his ABC's (always be closing)

a glimpse at the elusive jerry cat

oh brother!

del ray's orbit gum commercial

raspberry dream

LOL!

you gotta walk down that road...

spring fever.

wow! it was 84 degrees yesterday. and 4 days before that it was below freezing and i had to bring baby goat marton inside for the evening. spring weather is crazy!

marton is doing well. we had a scare with him 2 days ago when he had a touch of frothy bloat and constipation. two things that are incredibly serious in baby goats. i caught it in time. and was able to administer enemas which eventually revived his peristaltic action and alleviated the gas from his rumen. i am so relieved. i was not about to lose our newest little guy. it was pretty much the nastiest thing i've ever had to do. and i'm sure he was as confused as i, but it worked. and he is thriving now in this warm spring weather.

i had my 6 week follow-up with my plastic surgeon regarding my implant replacement. it went great. i've healed up nicely. and have been allowed to start doing yoga and farming again!

tried my hand at a little garden work today since the sun was shining. but got very winded after only 1/2 an hour. which was discouraging. but it's hard to get upset when it is an absolutely gorgeous day outside. i did get a chance to peek at the soil in last year's garden. it is a beautiful rich dark color. can't wait to till it and start planting our seedlings. the tower grove farmer's market is coming up in just 5 short weeks! opening day is may 8th. look for more info on our provenance farm blog.

seedlings a growin'

as for my breathing issues, i was able to get an appointment with a great pulmonary specialist next week. he comes highly recommended. and am hoping we can get to the bottom of what is happening with my lungs. wish me luck.

and now, some gratuitous doggy photos (taken during last weekend's thunder storms). all dogs took full advantage!

the GLOPs

little bit (in MY chair) because...

the beagles claimed little bit's chair

and choppy in jason's chair

this just in....PET scans are not for pets.

sorry i've been away so long. i have a thousand excuses (some pretty good, some just weak sauce). weather being one of the weaker ones... we've had snow, rain, snow, and more snow. freezing temps. frozen ponds. and snow drifts up to my knees!

and we've had more hardships. we lost our dear ram, einar. and our little orphaned twin goat, ramona. i don't even know what to say. except that it is so completely disheartening to have this happen. we know the reasons. but it doesn't make them any easier. still feels like failure. still makes us mourn. the strong survive. the weak ones fade. i hate it. i really do. but farming is nature. it is life and death. and birth. and seedlings. and giant tomatoes. and evil hornworms. and dogs. and birds. and bunnies.

with mother nature at the reins 24-7 and with us pulling the plough, it's hard to make room for personal issues. like family. and our own health. a month ago i somehow squeezed in a day to drive up to the big city (st louis) for an overdue visit with my oncologist. been having some symptoms (cough, chest pain, along with some other nags here and there). my onc ordered ct scans of chest, and abdomen. and a bone scan.

bone scan came back great. abdomen shows a few weird things but nothing too scary. yay! yay! i'm so happy. whoo hoo! then comes the chest scan report. first off, i have a ruptured implant. geesh! i had no idea. and second, multiple ground glass nodular opacities in lower and middle lobe of lung. huh? wait! what? first i'm thinking , "it's probably scar tissue from radiation. that's happened before". and secondly i'm thinking "WTF are ground glass opacities?" since i live 2 hours away from my oncologists office, i ask to have a copy of report sent to me. you know, just so i can be sure they are reading it right. because, i am so much smarter than a team of doctors and radiologists!

i finally get report in my hot little hands two weeks later (mail is slow in the middle of nowhere). i rip open envelope and start trying to decipher all the information. well, it's definitely not radiation scar tissue as i had hoped. these new spots are on my other lung. my good lung. and the official report reads, "metastatic disease can not be excluded". wow. i've never seen those words before written about me. so ominous. so frank. so nonchalant.

due to these spots, my oncologist ordered a PET scan. which does not involve pets. all my dogs were upset. especially porkchop. he said he has played a doctor on tv many times and was really hoping for a big break on this one. he said he wouldn't even need money. just bacon.

"PET scans are for people. for people!" i said in my best charlton heston.

a pet scan is another way of getting images. especially when looking for cancer. a glucose/radiation cocktail is injected into the vein. cancer cells metabolize different than healthy cells. the imaging can pick up hot spots where cancer is feasting on some day-glo sugar.

so, on feb 2 (groundhog day) i had my very first non-dog PET scan. it took a long time. you lie on this cold table with your arms above your head and the table moves every 4 minutes and takes another picture and you can't move and after about 15 minutes your arms fall asleep and after about 20 minutes you start to wonder if you still have arms because they no longer feel attached to your body and you do your best yoga breathing and eventually start making weird humming noises until finally test is done and nurse is back in the room with you asking if you are ok because you seem a bit freaked out. and the worst part was..... NO CARBS the evening or morning before hand. OMG! i live on cheese AND bread AND crackers AND pasta. not just cheese and cheese.

so jump forward to this week. PET scan results are in. the damn spots are there. but they are too small to say for sure what they are. we can't rule out cancer. but we can't rule it in. and we can't biopsy because it would require major surgery. so standard protocol is to wait three months and scan again. to see if anything changes.

all i can say, is to a cancer survivor, waiting for results suck. it is a recipe for anxiety. we want to know NOW. we want to be proactive. we hate to be sitting ducks (which by the way we just added the most beautiful flock of moscovy ducks to our farm - more on that in a future post).

thank the lord for xanax and red wine and friends and family and ducks and goats and bunnies and donkeys and pigs and blogs!

i will keep you posted. i'm having a little ol'surgery next week to replace my busted implant. and then, i promise to get back hawking my yarn, and to posting anthropomorphic photos of animals.

snow day.

warning! dexter spoiler alert!

wind is the new snow.

got about 3 inches of snow last night. now the sun is shining. but it still looks likes a blizzard. the wind, the wind. it huffed and puffed and blew the house down. or at least the hay bale.

porkchop's christmas.

grandpa doczy and his dog tyler sent a package addressed to "porkchop and his buddies". we thought we'd let ol'chop open his gift early since that has been the trend around here this year. however.... del ray, being a possessive nut, must have mis-read the address label. i bet he thinks this post is about him.



gift opening was completed with my assistance. lots of goodies including bacon strips and steak treats. choppy, being his gracious and forgiving self, continues to share the wealth with ALL his doggie friends, including his vain little brother, del ray.

wogum

secret lives of farm animals returns with little bit, porkchop, and del ray pondering life, getting older, and the addition of "the chow hound". an honest and humble documentary. however, this video could have benefited from the use of subtitles during the little bit segment. the black mouth cur pup is hard to understand due to her unique accent/speech impediment. so, a heads up... she is discussing her new job, turning one years old, digging holes, catching moles, chewing bones and her scary "wogum" mantra.

i guess we raise hams????

i have come to the realization that my animals possess a sixth sense when it comes to paparazzi. i whip out a camera and they instinctively turn their heads and pose.

lady dinky

the boot

choppy cheese

"weddy for my cwose up"

even the goats do it!

the simple life

it's been raining forever it seems. i know that seems dramatic. and i know we need the rain. our ponds are full again. and the grass has sprung and will feed the flock until winter. but it's just so muddy and cloudy and cold and i can't help but wonder where summer went???

people always think that i lead a simpler life now. no 9-5 punch-card. no boss. just sunsets and rainbows and butterflies and puppy dogs . but i have to admit, this is about the hardest thing i've ever done. and it's never really "done". there is always something that needs fixed. animals to be fed. shit to be scraped off my boots when i'm in from the fields. it's not glamorous. and there is no one telling me i've done a good job (except my husband for whom i think i would go completely bonkers without).

this simple life is, in fact, pretty darn stressful. i am so immersed in the cycle of life. animals being born. animals dying. or being harvested. it is a constant. i spend so much energy worrying that i forget about those butterflies and puppy dogs and sunsets.

so i'm going to take this post to list a few things that i'm grateful for:

1. homegrown tomatoes
2. my beautiful flock of goats (especially the kids)
3. spinning yarn
4. 1940's tractor my husband fixed
5. learning from mistakes
6. wine!
7. my piano
8. this house (as messy and as unorganized as it is)
9. porkchop getting to run around leash-free
10. last but not least, my husband who has allowed me this 9-5-less freedom!

and now i will leave you with a big raspberry from bianka, my beautiful angora doe!

bonkers!

life goes on.

life is a roller coaster. you coast, and coast. you feel a thrill when you turn a loop but then all of a sudden you throw up the funnel cake you downed earlier and wish you could just get off and take a nap.

that's how things are these days. the good days coast by. sometimes you don't even notice them. which is a shame. you don't realize that nothing is going wrong. you just keep sweeping the floor and feeding the dogs. and then you have bad days from hell. like yesterday. jason's dad was rushed to ER. seizures. possible side-effect from his stroke. might be able to control with medication. fortunately, might not impair his ability to heal and recover. never the less, still scary as shit.

we try to deal with these things. but the dogs still need to eat. and the floor is definitely in need of sweeping. possible bull-dozing.

luckily the coaster scenery is often pleasantly distracting. for example, tito von peenerhaus has learned (with the aid of porkchop's doggie steps) to access my reading chair. he hasn't learned to read yet. just nap. which is what i'd love to do someday.

tito and jerry blissfully sleeping

you don't have to live like a refugee...

as you may know, my father-in-law had a stroke back in april and has been hospitalized since. he is improving everyday. however, it is still going to be a long road. we offered to adopt his hunting beagles. as they need some extra attention. and well, i'm a sucker for a sad eyed beagle.

meet the two newest refugees... lulu and junior. lulu is in by no means related to lulu of "the adventures of lulu" stories. i just like the name.

junior comes from a long line of rook family beagles. his mother was buttercup (whose birth i witnessed many moons ago). and buttercup was daughter to blind ol'annie (whom i wrote a song about called "ballad of the lonely hunter"). jr has a hereditary condition called cherry eye which is a deformity of the tear gland. it can be fixed with surgery. however, it would involve removing the tear gland (which would cause dry eye and possible infections). so, we're just gonna leave him be. he thinks it makes him look tough. i agree.

i'm not exactly sure about lulu's lineage. i do know that she's old as hell. and has had her share of puppies. we are getting her spayed. mostly to prevent any del ray offspring which would no doubt be a plague on the world.

lulu

junior lookin' good!

"oh, is this not cool?" - junior

"no, it's not." - porkchop

lulu don't like cameras

music move.

today the recording studio was moved from st louis to belgrade (with help from sam and his giant truck). our house is now a wonderland of various vintage gear and a maze of musical instruments. i finally have a piano. it's old too. a 1929 howard.

hear are some photos to document the move...

choppy on the ramp

little bit supervising choppy & del ray

a song for the tractor

the howard at rest

mr sandhank

from his forthcoming album "tales from the 'grade"

hot dog!

today was a scorcher. the first of this year. heat index near 100. and uncompromising humidity. the dogs have found creative ways to cool off. while i long for a pool. or a margarita. or both.

jeliza-rose finds carport naps helpful

choppy gets a tasty beverarge

then crawls under the saturn shade

and practices his mechanic skills

delray finds flashing to be quite refreshing

while little bit finds solace in making other dogs hotter