a hot brief update.

my blog has been pretty neglected. st louis has been in a heat warning advisory for the past week. i don't know what i did in a past life. but karma struck again and killed our upstairs air conditioning. we think it's the condenser. who knows? so we've been camping out in the living room downstairs. having a slumber party with all the animals. meanwhile the poor computer is left by its lonesome to sweat it out upstairs until further notice.

since it's hotter than hell up here. i'm gonna make this brief.

we've put a contract on a 1930s farm house complete with 7 fenced acres of pasture, a pool and two big ol' barns. hopefully we will know monday if our bid is accepted.

i've been getting used to my scar (see updated pic).

we are finishing mixing on the new wormwood scrubs album "warrovish". some songs have already been posted on our myspace page.

and the bestest news of all, i get to have my very first colonoscopy this week thanks to some GI bleeding.

- larissa

cancer blog featuring lil'scar face.

lil'scar face (a real bad-ass at age 1)

i'm featured in the cancer blog this week thanks to my friend and columnist, kristi collins.

http://www.thecancerblog.com/2007/07/20/survival-spotlight-cancer-again

and by the way, i am doing better. got my stitches removed and got to ditch the bandages. i'm starting to like my scar. i get to test it out tonight at a bar. my friends, the doxies, are in town. i hope to be super intimidating.

what a long strange week this has been.

the week began on the tail-end of a 4 day full-blown migraine. no doubt brought on following my pre-op appointment where surgeon told me i could only take tylenol for the next two weeks. i swear this happens every time. the power of suggestion is suggestively powerful.

to relax, i try to watch a movie. "the departed." not exactly relaxing but definitely keeping my mind off my head. but we can't watch the movie because there is this low frequency hum that is becoming increasingly overwhelming. we turn off the sound on the tv but it's still there. my husband investigates. it is coming from the middle of the street. the ground is actually vibrating. and the street is covered with bats. they can't fly because of the hum. one bat flaps across my husband's foot. the noise and vibration continue for about a half an hour. we're pretty freaked out. since we really have no idea who to call in this type of situation, we call our drummer. apparently this was the wise choice because within minutes the sound is gone. we continue our movie. but i'm worried about the bats. so i send jason out to check on them. the street is clear. they must be ok.

by tuesday my head's feeling better and i'm looking forward to a good night's sleep. i drift off just in time to hear what we think are fireworks being shot outside. the police come. block off the street. put tape around my car, my husband's van and a neighbor's truck along with the hallway that runs between the two houses across the street. turns out it wasn't fireworks. but guns. we have no idea if someone has been shot or killed. the police collect two types of bullets. one being from an SKS (another version of an AK47). they are apparently looking for a girl who lives a few doors down.

the next day i'm very sleepy. can't find any information of the shooting anywhere in the local news. like it didn't exist. except the police tape was still up across the street when i left for work. i spend the day looking up country real-estate on the internet. we're getting out of the city. i've had it.

which brings us to today. the day i get my face cut open and sewed shut while only being under local anesthetic. first they shoot you up with some kind of numbing medicine. which ironically hurts. and then they blindfold you. then the surgeon cuts around your cancerous lesion while making small talk. then the cauterizer burns away the oozing flesh while creating a horrible smell. then they tape you up and make you wait while skin is sent to the lab. luckily my husband is there with me. he makes me laugh. we pass the time (about an hour or so). the results come back that there is still some cancer left. i get numbed again. more blindfolding. more cutting. more burning. then more waiting.

finally i get the all clear. thinking the worst is behind me i saunter back into the operating room. that's when the real shit goes down. first they ask me if i want to see what my wound looks like before they sew it up. since i'm curious like a cat, i naively say "yes." holy crap! i have a gaping hole in the middle of my face. a perfetly round hole that goes strait back into red bloody flesh. it's a lot bigger than i was expecting. almost the size of a dime. i felt like i was in part of some freakish experiment. thank god they put the blindfold back. they numb me up some more and start cutting. they have to cut more skin in order to close up wound in a straight line. unfortunately i can feel my skin being cut. so more numbing which again ironically hurts. then more burning. which i can feel as well. so more numbing. then more cutting. and sewing. and burning. and then we are done.

before they bandage it up, they ask if i want to see the scar. of course i say "yes" again. like an idiot. that's why cats have nine lives. i look in the mirror and there is this big ugly mean looking scar staring straight back. my face is swollen and bruised. and that's when the tears start. i just loose it. i'm tired of scars. and doctors. and surgical lights. and the smell of beta dine. let's face it, cancer sucks. it just does.

but that's just today. i'm sure tomorrow will offer a new distraction. probably something spectacular to cap off such a bizarre week. perhaps a unicorn grazing in my backyard covered in snow-flakes made of diamond dust and my dogs will speak and my cats will fly.

just call me cancer girl.

so here i am celebrating 5 years of being cancer free, sipping on sangria, watching the sunset and enjoying my summer when i get the call from my doctor. and i hear the damn "C" word again. a lesion on my face that i recently had biopsied came back positive for basal cell carcinoma. the good news is, according to my surgeon, "it is the best cancer to get if you're gonna get cancer." it is very slow growing and almost never metastasizes. bad news is i need more surgery. and i'm gonna have about an inch long scar on my face. i suppose it'll make me look tough. or even more like tina fey.

the doctor said it is nothing compared to everything i've already been through. absolutely nothing to worry about. easier said than done. its much easier to freak out and hyperventilate and cry and worry about what is going to go wrong next. this cancer was easy to spot. it was staring me in the mirror every morning. but what about all the shit that could be mutating deep inside me, hiding behind bones and organs? i start not trusting my body.

i don't even fit the criteria for having skin cancer. i'm not blond haired nor blue eyed. i don't worship the sun. i don't live close to the equator. and i'm not old! the nurse today told me i was a baby compared to the people they usually treat. i told her i've heard that before.

i know this is just a bump in the road. and i'll have a cool scar to add to my collection after this is all said and done. and i'm strong and have a loving husband and supportive family. and i'm gonna be fine. but right now i just want to run away & stick my feet in the sand & sip a fancy drink with an umbrella & listen to led zeppelin IV over and over again. or join a carnival.