Showing posts with label jason. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jason. Show all posts

Thursday, June 03, 2010

and the beat goes on...

so, as my handful of readers out there already know, this year has been a booger of a medical roller coaster. persistent cough. shortness of breath. discovering lung spots. discovering ruptured implant. replacement surgery. cancelling shows. putting music on hold. monitoring lung spots. thinking cancer is back. praying for stable spots. and trying to keep life as normal as possible in the meantime. and finally it's memorial day... and i get results of latest scan. spots are gone! not just stable. but miraculously gone! celebration!

still, in the back of my mind, i'm thinking, why do i still cough? why do my lungs hurt? why do i get so tired? yes, it's not cancer. but what the frak is it? and then yesterday, i get the actual printed copy of PET scan results in mail. and guess what? report states that i have mild centrilobular emphysema. i must admit, it's a bit scary, but nothing i can't handle. at least it explains my symtoms. and i've caught it early. i don't smoke anymore. i eat great. i get plenty o'exercise on the farm.

i would like to thank everyone who has supported me this year. those who came out to the benefit concert. those who sent cards, food, smiles, jokes. i'd be lost without you. i'd especially like to thank my husband. who always seems to be overshadowed by my health. if you see him, give him a hug. tell him he's the cat's pajamas. and know that he is my rock. my rock & roll.


speaking of rock.... wormwood scrubs has entered the studio. watch out! new album has a song that is over 20minutes long. and look for us returning to the stage later this summer. can't wait any longer!

i leave you with a few pics from the memorial day weekend. sam, kate and ophelia came down to celebrate. ophelia and kate had fun visiting all the critters. sam, had fun recording. and i had fun admiring my hand-decorated commemorative celebratory bottle o'beam.

ta da!

kate and ophelia throwin' rocks in the pond (good ol'fashioned fun)

rock n roll mirror

ophelia got goosed!

the two sams

pure joy!

Thursday, April 01, 2010

spring fever.

wow! it was 84 degrees yesterday. and 4 days before that it was below freezing and i had to bring baby goat marton inside for the evening. spring weather is crazy!

marton is doing well. we had a scare with him 2 days ago when he had a touch of frothy bloat and constipation. two things that are incredibly serious in baby goats. i caught it in time. and was able to administer enemas which eventually revived his peristaltic action and alleviated the gas from his rumen. i am so relieved. i was not about to lose our newest little guy. it was pretty much the nastiest thing i've ever had to do. and i'm sure he was as confused as i, but it worked. and he is thriving now in this warm spring weather.


i had my 6 week follow-up with my plastic surgeon regarding my implant replacement. it went great. i've healed up nicely. and have been allowed to start doing yoga and farming again!

tried my hand at a little garden work today since the sun was shining. but got very winded after only 1/2 an hour. which was discouraging. but it's hard to get upset when it is an absolutely gorgeous day outside. i did get a chance to peek at the soil in last year's garden. it is a beautiful rich dark color. can't wait to till it and start planting our seedlings. the tower grove farmer's market is coming up in just 5 short weeks! opening day is may 8th. look for more info on our provenance farm blog.

seedlings a growin'

as for my breathing issues, i was able to get an appointment with a great pulmonary specialist next week. he comes highly recommended. and am hoping we can get to the bottom of what is happening with my lungs. wish me luck.

and now, some gratuitous doggy photos (taken during last weekend's thunder storms). all dogs took full advantage!

the GLOPs

little bit (in MY chair) because...

the beagles claimed little bit's chair

and choppy in jason's chair

Friday, March 05, 2010

meet márton

meet márton... our first angora kid born 03/01/10. we named the little feller márton which is hungarian for warrior from mars. jason had to sub as "goat mid-wife" as i was in st louis staying with my mom. jason did a great job! unfortunately, márton's mommy, bianka, pulled an "842" and rejected the little bugger. bianka is a maiden. it was her first pregnancy. and she just didn't have a clue. after the birth, she got up and walked away to be with her other goat friends. jason, then confined her and her baby to a kidding pen for a while but no such luck. she just kept butting him away. and the little guy was in danger. the first 24 hours are so important. they need to get colostrom. so jason packed him up and brought him in the house and we have another bottle-baby on our hands. tito heard the news and is a bit jealous.

this time, however, i have the help of "other mother" little bit. who cleaned márton off after the birth. and has been pretending to nurse him ever since. i can't believe it. she's only one year old (and spayed) and is usually a crazy wild child. but all of a sudden she has taken on this massive responsibility with grace and composure. it's utterly bizarre. and so freakin' cute.

little bit cleaning off the "after-birth"

my first time holding him!

márton enjoying the comforts of home (like my favorite wingback reading chair!)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

8 is great.

today i celebrate my 8 year crancerversary. 8 years ago, i got the phone call. and the ball started rolling. and i knocked it out of the court. i slayed a dragon. i shot him dead. and all that good stuff.

in the past 8 years, i have joined a rock n'roll band. i married the love of my life. i quit my desk job of 13+ years, cashed in my retirement, bought a small holding farm in the middle o'nowhere missouri. started a small fiber farm (goats, sheep, angora rabbits, and llama). i've learned to spin yarn, fix an electric fence, shoot a shotgun, gut a chicken, use a riding lawn mower. i've been a goat mid-wife. and so many more things. and i'm still learning and growing.

sometimes i get down on myself. thinking that i have wasted time. not made the most of it. i sink into the evils of equating money with success. no, i don't have tons of money. but i always have food. and i have shelter. and i have the most gorgeous view from our kitchen window.

and now, at 8 years, i am faced with some obstacles. a teeny bump in the road with some reconstruction revision surgery. teeny for me, yes. but it disrupts the flow of the farm. i am unable to work for 6 weeks. therefore, my husband has taken on my role on top of his endless regular roles. and even though he won't admit it, i know it is a burden. and i am truly grateful for him. the critters are doing fantastic!

and then there is also the nagging "what if?" lurking around the corner. the dreaded follow-up PET scan in april. we are trying to think positive. and all prayers, good vibes, voodoo, mojo, magic beans, meditation, humor, etc... that you all have been sending our way is so very very welcome and deeply appreciated. we can feel the love. we can.

if my health permits, my surgeon has given be the thumbs up to go to the 10th Annual Young Survival Coalition/Living Beyond Breast Cancer Conference in Atlanta this weekend. many of my dearest friends will be there and i am so looking forward to seeing them. some i have known since my diagnosis. and we will celebrate our survivorship together.

and now i leave you with the cutest egg i have ever seen in my life.....


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

the simple life

it's been raining forever it seems. i know that seems dramatic. and i know we need the rain. our ponds are full again. and the grass has sprung and will feed the flock until winter. but it's just so muddy and cloudy and cold and i can't help but wonder where summer went???

people always think that i lead a simpler life now. no 9-5 punch-card. no boss. just sunsets and rainbows and butterflies and puppy dogs . but i have to admit, this is about the hardest thing i've ever done. and it's never really "done". there is always something that needs fixed. animals to be fed. shit to be scraped off my boots when i'm in from the fields. it's not glamorous. and there is no one telling me i've done a good job (except my husband for whom i think i would go completely bonkers without).

this simple life is, in fact, pretty darn stressful. i am so immersed in the cycle of life. animals being born. animals dying. or being harvested. it is a constant. i spend so much energy worrying that i forget about those butterflies and puppy dogs and sunsets.

so i'm going to take this post to list a few things that i'm grateful for:

1. homegrown tomatoes
2. my beautiful flock of goats (especially the kids)
3. spinning yarn
4. 1940's tractor my husband fixed
5. learning from mistakes
6. wine!
7. my piano
8. this house (as messy and as unorganized as it is)
9. porkchop getting to run around leash-free
10. last but not least, my husband who has allowed me this 9-5-less freedom!

and now i will leave you with a big raspberry from bianka, my beautiful angora doe!


bonkers!

Friday, September 04, 2009

been so long...

sorry i've slacked this week on posts. haven't really felt up to it with the loss of marla. can't bear to break out the old canon and shoot any pics. but i will let you all know the kids are fine. russell and ramona are doing phenomenally well. have not needed milk replacer. weaned themselves. amazing little creatures. they are growing by leaps and bounds. and the goat heard has taken them under their collective wing. and then there's the sheep... who also have a bond with the twins. so, things are going really as well if not better than can be expected.

me, i started my new part-time job today. caretaker. my father in law (who had a stroke back in april) is at home and needing assistance during the day between home health visits from his various therapists and while my mother in law goes back to work. i will be doing this a few days a week alternating with other relatives who are giving their time as well. never pictured myself in this position, but here i am. and after all my cancer/surgeries/etc... i have a bit of experience. if nothing else as a patient. and it's nice to be able to give something back. karma for all the love and care i received when i was in need.

promise new pictures sometime soon. until then, check out my husbands new blog, provenance farm which is exclusively illustrated with photographs by the brilliant photographer known otherwise as me.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

music move.

today the recording studio was moved from st louis to belgrade (with help from sam and his giant truck). our house is now a wonderland of various vintage gear and a maze of musical instruments. i finally have a piano. it's old too. a 1929 howard.

hear are some photos to document the move...

choppy on the ramp

little bit supervising choppy & del ray


a song for the tractor

the howard at rest


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

tractor time


just in time for 100 degree weather, jason got the tractor up and running and cut all the fields. it's crazy how much land we have that you don't notice when grass is 2-3 feet high. the chickens were thrilled. bugs galore. the donkeys complained a bit. but they always do. and me, i can walk easily about without pretending to swim.


Monday, May 11, 2009

where are the flowers?

can't believe it's may already. i thought april showers brought mayflowers and pilgrams. but apparenlty it has brought more rain. tornadoes. winds of 70+ miles an hour. turning my newly planted garden into a swimming pool. i have not given up. i will rebuild, reseed, replant. i'm fairly certain the potatoes will be fine. you should have seen the eyes on them when they went into the ground. crazy long.

along with rain, april has brought more sadness to the rook farm. the loss of our dear sweet goat, bernadett. we are still mourning her absence. especially with the front yard fenced in and every goat getting fat on fresh grass. she would have loved it. she would have also loved being so close to happy joes (the kitchen).

in addition to losing bernadett, we lost our sweet little female piglette, delilah. both her and samson came down with pneumonia shortly after their arrival here. we suspect they contracted it when they were taken to the state university to be examined (this was required by law) in order to be registered. we fought with their breeder against having them registered. we are not planning on breeding them for sale. but their breeder wanted to comply with all the rules and regulations. unfortunately, little delilah wasn't strong enough to fight. despite an intense regimine of antibiotics and immune boosters, she died within a week. samson still has a bit of a cough. and we continue to medicate him as needed. incidently, his registered name was "too big to fail". foreshadowing, perhaps.

and then the worst of all happened, jason's father had a stroke. he has been in the ICU for past two weeks. he's a private man, and wouldn't want to be in the spotlight, so i won't say much. except that all prayers, good thoughts, positive energy and well wishes are greatly appreciated. if it weren't for my father in law, i wouldn't know what a beagle was. i would not have my treasured dog, porkchop (whom my FIL rescued when porkchop was orphaned). and i wouldn't have my partner in crime, my anchor, my heart, my dear husband jason.

on a brighter note, yesterday was mother's day. and my mom paid a visit to the farm. we decided to take the day off. and just relax. ate some omelets (courtesy of our hens). watched a dvd. and spent the rest of the time meandering the fields, feeding the goats and pups, playing with the chickens, and being heckled by the peanut-gallery (donks, horse & llama).

it's me, grandma.

baby snakes giving a mother's day kiss.

albert the mighty little.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

happy birthday to me.

yesterday was my birthday. lovely weather. my mom came down for a visit & to help me set up my newly acquired sewing machine. she gave me a cool retro learn-to-sew book from the late 60s that my grandmother had given her. mom gave me a quick lesson (i'm pretty impatient). and i'm proud to say that i now possess the skills to turn machine on and sew a semi-straight line. watch out! there's no stopping me!


just part of my new sewing room

mom & me

jason spoiled me with a magical gift all the way from india... an authentic Gandhi charkha spinning wheel. i remember seeing this many years ago when jason & i watched the movie "Gandhi" and thinking that it looked cool. it's portable, so you can take it anywhere. it folds up into an attache case that looks like a book. i foresee transcendental yarn in my near future.

charkha

and my day ended with band practice, Guinness, and del taco! in that order. followed with a coffee infused "allman brothers live at the filmore" car-ride home.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

lucky number 7.

yesterday was my crancerversary. seven years ago i heard those dreaded words, "you have cancer." seven years ago my life changed. for the better, really. i truely like who i have become. i've always felt seven was a lucky number. so i'm going to dedicate this post to 7 random things for which i am grateful.

1. fresh eggs (our hens started laying!)
2. my husband's cooking (he's the best & makes a mean veggy timbale)
3. porkchop (what can i say, i love him!)
4. my health
5. this lovely farm
6. being my own boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (no more dry cleaning!)
7. true love

Sunday, January 11, 2009

farewell to stanley.

we said goodbye to stanley this morning. he went peacefully. and i feel we made the right decision keeping him here instead of sending him to a butcher. it was a hard day. and i'm tired. either i or jason will post more on the harvest later. but for now, a glass of wine to toast a noble beast.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

stanley's repreive.

so, january 5th rolled around. d-day for the cows. our cow, and my in-law's two cows. we had made arrangements for them to be taken to a butcher in ironton, missouri. why a butcher? after all, we successfully harvested our pigs. right? well, cows are much bigger. first off, they can weigh up to 1,000 pounds. and need to be hung immediately after being killed. we didn't think we had the expertise nor the equipment. second, beef should be aged for approximately one week. we didn't think this would be possible outside with the spontaneously warm weather we are having. so, we investigated butchers. most butchers we found could not guarantee you get your actual cow back in meat. they could only guarantee the weight and the cuts. we searched high and low for a butcher that would guarantee we would receive meat from the cows we specifically raised on pasture, free of chemicals and processed foods. we found a nice place. and made an appointment back in october. the soonest he could get us in was january. so we waited.

meanwhile, we harvested pigs successful.

so d-day arrives... and i'm having doubts. what about everything i said about raising animals humanely, about them never having to suffer, about them living their entire lives on our farm without a care in the world? as we are rounding up t-bone & blue boy (in-laws cows) into a trailer, jason is having the same doubts. it just doesn't feel right. i don't know who said it first, but we blurted out, "we should harvest stanley ourselves."

but stanley isn't just our cow. we share him with sam (our drummer) and his wife kate. so a quick phone call to sam and our plan is secured. sam felt the same.

we did some research about aging meat. apparently it is possible to age in a refrigerator. the meat might not be as tender. i feel this is a small sacrifice for us to make compared to the sacrifice stanley is making to feed us for an entire year.

so, stanley got a reprieve. at least until the boys prepare a proper hanging/lifting device suitable for a 9 foot long 700/800 pound cow. he is enjoying the extra attention and hay. and feels pretty darn lucky.

stanley giving raspberries to the butcher

Monday, January 05, 2009

beans don't burn on the grill.


this was one of our first dinners using fresh pork. grilled porkchops, beans, & cornbread (courtesy of happy joe's). what would i do without a husband that can cook?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

hog harvest.

last sunday was hog harvest day. besides the occasional turkey or chicken, our pigs were the first two livestock we raised and harvested for meat by ourselves. people wonder how we can do this? why do we do this? because we want to take resposiblity for the meat we eat. we want to know that the meat we consume comes from cruelty free, chemical free, and hormone free animals. it is not easy. but it is a choice.

i'm warning you... this will probably be my longest blog post ever. it will also be graphic. vegetarians may not want to read.

let's see... where do i begin? i spent all day saturday crying. i cried for my two swine friends, dagmar & cocoa. i knew their day had come. this was their plan. they didn't know it. they had no concept of mortality. they lived to eat, run, play, and sleep. they lived a happy life. especially compared to what their outcome could have been. we purchased them from an animal auction. their brothers & sisters probably went to live their lives in pig pens with no grass, possibly no sunshine, to stand in their own filth, and to eat processed feed. dagmar & cocoa got to run free, to eat grass & flowers & bugs & whatever their noses unveiled. they went swimming in the pond. they played with the puppies. they never suffered one day since they stepped foot on our farm. even at the end.

so, how does one harvest a pig? well, first you need to wait until the temperature outside is cold enough. the meat will need to stay outside until thoroughly chilled. this was a problem for most of november & december. the weather had been totally erratic. but sunday, december 21st, turned out to be well below freezing.

next, you need a group of friends and family to help. you will be building a fire, hanging meat, cleaning, butchering, and packaging. it is quite an operation. your harvest team will be an invaluable support system. you will share things together that will bond you for life.

so, it's saturday. the day before d-day. and i'm crying my eyes out. i feed dagmar & cocoa their last supper. i play with them. let them rub their muddy noses on my pants legs one last time. i call it "getting pigged". there is no escaping the barnyard with clean jeans when there are pigs about. i say goodbye. i go back inside and try to keep busy by cleaning & crying. finally, i take a xanax and try to sleep.

the alarm goes off way too early. 5:30am. it's still dark outside. but i get up. make coffee. do some last minute cleaning before the harvest team arrives. sam & parents arrive first. his mom (cathy) brings us homemade chicken noodle soup, cookies, donuts, and a sub sandwich. his dad (gary) brings a truck load of supplies (tables, saws, tools, knives, pots, etc..). jason's dad (glenn)and uncle (george) arrive next. they are seasoned hunters. they bring guns & expertise.

i had previously decided not to be present during the actual slaughter. so cathy and i settle inside the house and keep the coffee brewing and watch the dogs.

step one: jason, sam, gary, glenn & george head out to the barn. they build a fire to keep them warm as it's bitterly cold. they get all their tools, equipment, etc.. in place. they lead dagmar into the pig house. let him drink some milk. while he is drinking, one quick bullet to the brain severs his spinal cord and drops him instantly. no struggle. no pain. his soul is free. he is no longer he but is now meat. the body is hung to bleed and to be skinned, cut in half, & gutted. the feet and head are removed.

the men bring the hog sides to the house and place them on a table outside. cathy and i wash the bodies with water and brushes.

washed sides of pork

the meat chills outside for several hours while butchering and packaging preparations are made. and the same process is repeated for cocoa.

ok, let's take a break. nellie (aka "little bit") gives us some levity....

little bit helps

step two: a side of pork is brought into the kitchen. jason, sam, and gary consult meat cutting guides (ala the navy's meat cutting book & an old farm journal magazine courtesy of gary).

butchering tools

consulting the guide

they begin by removing the lard (white fat on the outside of meat). lard is placed in tubs to render later. then the actual cuts of meat are created. cuts are placed on plates and handed to cathy & i to package. i vacuum sealed our cuts in plastic using a black & decker freshguard. i know plastic is not the most environmentally conscious method. but this method can keep frozen meat good for up to 2 years and the plastic bags are reusable (save, wash, & boil). i just can't bear the thought of losing any of the precious meat we have been fortunate enough to harvest. that would be a wasted life.

the packages are labeled with the cut of meat and the date. then chilled for several hours in the refrigerator before being placed in the freezer. scrap cuts of meat are ground and saved for making sausage. the bones are either boiled or baked for soup and/or dog treats. the liver and other choice sweat meats are saved as well for dog treats. the heads are saved head cheese. and the feet (or trotters as the english say) are saved for either stew, soup or pickled pigs feet.

we are finished around 4:30pm. we split the meat between us and sam's family. sam's share fits into two coolers. he leaves his bacon and ham for us to cure. as well as the sausage meat. our share fits in our freezer. the balance (ham, sausage, & bacon) takes up most of our fridge.

hams & bacon

freezer meats

sam, gary & cathy drive home. jason leaves to pick up my christmas present at a remote location several hours away (more on that later). i mop the kitchen floor which looks like a crime scene. then drive to my mother's house to celebrate an early christmas.

and that, in brief, is how one harvests a hog. coming up next... making your own sausage.

*** after re-reading this, i feel i have glossed over the process. it was physically and emotionally draining. at the end of harvest day, i was beat. and i questioned whether i wanted to go through this again. but after a few days of rest and reflection, i have no regrets. as long as we eat pork, we will continue to raise our own. i will continue to name my pigs, to treat them with respect, to enjoy their presence, and to cry when their time has come.

Monday, October 06, 2008

rook farm's smallest egg.

one of our young rhode island red ladies laid her first egg the other day. it was so cute. jason fried it up and made porkchop a nice little egg sandwich.

little egg, big egg

perfect size for a beagle

Sunday, September 28, 2008

jason made pie.

del ray helped.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

my man.


today is jason's birthday. and what timing... two packages came in the mail today. one, a box full of cheese making supplies. he is learning the art of cheese making (more on that in another post). and two, a book from my step-mother called "journey to ixtlan" by carlos castaneda.

me, being poor, unemployed, and a very skilled procrastinator, have not one present for him. instead, i thought i would dedicate this post to him. he deserves much more than a post. he deserves an island, a castle, a life free of pain and suffering and filled with.....


chickens & turkeys



jason has become the poultry guardian here on the farm. he loves his birds. every day he talks to them. sits with them. watches them grow. collects eggs. and makes sure they are happy and safe. the poultry on the rook farm are very lucky to have jason as their protector. and poultry aren't easy. they are fragile. and mother nature is cruel. but jason works very hard to maintain a balance between safety and quality of life. and our birds enjoy the fresh air, bugs, trees, tall grass, sunshine during the day, and a custom made pine cottage at night.


music



jason loves music. he feels music more than anyone i know. he listens not just to the words or the chords, but to the changes, the nuances, the silence. and he feels it. i've never met anyone who is more moved by a song than jason. and he loves to create music as much as he loves to listen. the spark in his eye when he is recording a song... sometimes it is overwhelming, intimidating. his mind opens up and is multiplying and dividing and reversing. but my mathematical translation doesn't do justice. he is literature. his brain is filled with words, and color, and places and history.

travel




jason introduced me to europe. a blessing and a curse. i never knew what i was missing. he loves to travel. to witness different culture. to learn. to taste. to climb. to breathe. before i met him he lived in prague for a year... not knowing anyone there... never having been there before. he just needed to surround himself in something completely foreign. but just as much as jason loves to travel himself, he loves to share travel. to take people with him. to discover things with others. he couldn't wait to take me with him. we spent new year's day in ibiza eating grapes the first year we were together. since then, we've been all over. we were married in italy and 30 people from the states joined us. the best gift of all, was was him getting to share the experience with friends and family.

i know his life has much more travel and adventure ahead. to new places. to familiar places. sharing his quest with those close to him. the future is full of possibilities and chickens and turkeys and donkeys and goats and me by his side. i love him more than i ever knew was possible.

i really can't sum him up in a post. i really can't sum him up at all. he surprises me daily. and i'm sure i have embarrassed him enough. so i will just say, happy birthday.

love,
yer old lady

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

like a ghost thru the fog...


"and to those that i love, like a ghost thru a fog, like a charmed hour, and a haunted song..." - s. nicks

susan and kristi came to visit. it was so good seeing friends. catching up. sipping wine. being happy. jason made wonderful meals, fresh bread and wild berry cobbler. we bought antique hats, made an entrance at an art show, invaded a local winery, ate rita's chili, toasted a 67 yr old survivor, sent dinky dog off to her new home, and watched the sun set while the fog rolled in.

now they are gone. the bottles are empty. the sink is full of dishes. the dogs are sleeping. and the fog lingers as it has and always will. old timers say that for every day of fog in late summer, a day of snow that winter. it's been foggy for 30 days. i'm afraid.

me, kristi, emily (a 67 yr old survivor we picked up at the 12 west martini bar), and susan

kristi & me

amber adopts dinkerbell

mmm... bread!