august, the saddest month.

the heatwave continues. it grows and grows. and never stops. 100+ temps. heat index of 110. for days on end. and no rain.

several days ago, we had a baby duck drop from the heat. he was limp, almost dead. i brought him inside. cooled him in bathtub. at one point even gave him mouth to mouth. he perked up with in 24 hours. i kept him inside for an extra day. and when i knew he was fully recovered, i reintroduced him to the outdoor flock.

then yesterday, mother nature wreaked havoc on our farm. we lost 3 animals to the heat. despite our best efforts, i lost my dear rabbit, armel. i lost a juvenile turken. and i lost a muscovy duck. the muscovy i found still alive. i brought him inside and i tried cooling him, feeding him, re- hydrating him. but it was too late. he didn't survive the night.

this morning i awoke to find another muscovy down. i have him in the bathtub now with a fan. i'm giving him water + electrolytes. i use a cold compress every couple hours. i talk to him. i make him eat and drink. he is weak but fighting. and i have a good feeling he will make it. although the odds are against him. heat exhaustion in ducks has almost a 100% mortality rate. but statistics haven't met me. and they haven't met this duck.

in addition to the heat causing losses, a predator has been invading our chicken field. i first noticed last week. when there were white feathers in two big piles near the pond and chicken house. i assumed something got in the chicken house at night. four adult chickens were missing. a new lock was installed and the chicken house door has been secured every night since. meanwhile adult chickens are continuing to go missing. something is stealing our chickens. something that is not afraid to hunt during the day. something that is not leaving a trace. most likely a fox or young coyote. so unfortunately chickens are on 24-7 lock down for a while until we figure a solution. either relocate chickens to our goat field. or install electric fencing on our 4 acres of chicken pasture.

but the saddest loss of all, was the loss of our dear friend and musician dave hagerty. a hit and run accident took his life. his girlfriend, ellen cook, was with him. she survived with a broken arm. and a broken heart. i don't even know what to say. except i'm really going to miss him. his band, fattback, was my favorite local band... hands down. i loved watching them play. i loved doing shows with them. some of the best musical memories of my life. and singing "whipping post" with the boys... my cloud nine. i can't believe it is over. i want an encore. i want more.

"whipping post"

my heart goes out to ellen, dave's family, his friends and fans. and ellen, if you need to get away to the country, you are always welcome here. we have a piano. and goats, and sheep, and dogs. and one crazy llama that loves visitors.

goodnight, shade.

shade

1992-2010

shade, my dearest old cat, the last of the three wise cats, passed away last night in my lap watching a light romantic comedy. shade was the sweetest cat i have ever known. he loved all animals. and fully embraced our move from city to farm three years ago. he loved being outdoors during the day with his rabbits and indoors at night watching over the baby birds. many of the poultry here owe their lives to his kind supervision. our farm will never be the same.

shade watching over the bunnies

enjoying the grass

surveying the lawn

the three wise cats circa 2002

(nico, chelsea, & shade)

super shade

shade post

goodbye, friend

marla, the tourist.

in the words of chuck palahniuk, "marla, you little tourist."

that's what she was. just here to visit. to grace us with her presence. to enrich our lives. to give us the greatest gift... life. the twins.

marla passed away suddenly this morning. a postmortem determined she suffered from an acute case of liver flukes. a parasite derived from snails and not common in this part of the country.

we are all at a loss here on the farm. there is not a being here that does not miss her presence. the dogs, the goats, even the turkeys are in mourning. and i am heartbroken. it's hard being an organic farmer. loss is the biggest challenge. you are aware that loss is a possiblity going into it, but it doesn't make it any easier when confronted face to face with fatality.

we have decided to give our goats a preventative wormer from here on out. this will, of course, be chemical in nature and therefore not be considered purely organic. but knowing that this parasite is found on our land, i can not stand back and let innocent animals suffer.

so i suppose our mohair won't be considered certifiably organic, but it's damn near close.

and now for a pictorial memorial...

marla & the twins

tree leaves... it's what's for breakfast

marla and her BFF bernadett

a lovely lady

bernadett, beloved.

it is with great sadness that i am writing these words. bernadett passed away this morning in my arms. she held on. she fought hard. she was so beautiful. i know it's not fair to the other goats, but she was my favorite. she talked to me all the time. and had such personality. she was a selfless mother. and this farm is so empty without her.

sunday, i feared we would lose her. she seemed "gone". she couldn't stand up at all. we had a surprise snow storm come out of nowhere. and i think the temperature change was too much. after the sun came out and melted most of the snow, i carried her out to the field and just sat with her all afternoon. when i thought she was getting close to giving up, i would tell her it was ok. just to close her eyes and go to sleep and that she would be free. she could run and eat bean pods and crackers and bread and butterscotch treats to her heart's content. but everytime i would say this, her eyes would get really big and she'd yell at me. like she was saying, "hey, i'm not dead yet! i just need to rest!" and by the end of the day she was sitting up eating grass, looking at me and proving me wrong.

yesterday was a really good day. the sun was out. it was warm. she spend the entire day in our yard on a blanket having a dandylion and grass picnic. she'd talk to me when i walked by doing my chores. she'd beg for more dandylions or for some clover. i'd scout the field for just the right tasty leaves. and she'd eat 'em up. she even did some grazing her self. she stayed outside until the sun set. and when the sun was down, i brought her in and she had a late night snack and went to sleep.

but this morning she couldn't even sit nor hold up her head. she refused food. so i brought her into the office with me (my computer room) and i talked to her while i had my coffee. i did a few chores. came back and she tried to talk to me. i knelt down and held her head. she said "goodbye."

we can second guess everything. maybe it was the dogs. maybe a parasite. maybe a fatal disease. we have investigated all possiblities. she gets vaccines. preventative medicine. and she received appropriate treatment for her latest conditions. but i truly believe the truth of the matter is that she was an elderly goat. her body was just getting tired. one of the first signs of old age is a goat's inabilty to stand. she had been falling sporadically for months. actually she has had leg troubles since we got her last year. mother nature is both cruel and gracious. she took bernie from us but left us with her angelic daughter, bianka. and we will always grateful for this gift.

bernie smiles

bernie and her bean pod tree

bianka & bernadett

victory egg.

donnie darko egg

yesterday was easter. the family celebrated with turkey, ham & an easter egg dyeing contest. i took both first place for best egg and for ugliest egg. i think i am most proud of the latter.

still feeling an empty house. no calls on the fliers or web-postings for mr daniels. i go about my life. fixing the barn, feeding the animals, treating marla the goat for foot rot (nasty, nasty, nasty). today i enjoyed working outside under a sunny sky. but still in the deep of my chest, below my throat and nuzzled somewhere behind my heart is this infected lump of sadness. it flares up like a fever when i'm not expecting it and delivers "everything is not alright" into my veins. and so i am reminded. but life goes on. and there are miracles and wood fairies, and stars in the sky, and dinner's in the oven and a bottle of red on the table...

and puppies that fight over dropped gloves

and beagle dogs that have a taste for cow-patties.

bring him home...

returned from a 10 day tour with the band to find mr daniels went awol. he's been missing since march 13. as much as that beast is an eternal pain in the butt, we want him back. the house is too big. too quiet. and smells far too good.

i've been privy to a secret wood fairy secret.... place a cracker drizzled in honey outside. tell the fairies what you have lost, and they will bring it back to you. i'm off to store to purchase crackers.

please pray for donkey's safe return. our hearts are broken.

happy new year.

what a year 2007 has been. what a hard year. 3 surgeries. 3 sisters lost. losing leroy. almost losing someone so very very dear to me (my heart aches just thinking about it). car crash. financial rock bottom. what was the grand finale, you ask? how about the escape of our two new llamas. yes, they decided it would be nicer in a farm two lots down the road.

but 2008, i truly believe, is going to be great. i have my family. my health. my farm. my dogs. my music. a new life. and i get to watch that very dear someone smile and laugh again for the first time in weeks.

look out, new year. we've been waiting for you. we are suited in armor, prepared for victory. we will use you up and then some. and come hell or high water, we will get those stubborn llamas back where they belong.