this just in....PET scans are not for pets.

sorry i've been away so long. i have a thousand excuses (some pretty good, some just weak sauce). weather being one of the weaker ones... we've had snow, rain, snow, and more snow. freezing temps. frozen ponds. and snow drifts up to my knees!

and we've had more hardships. we lost our dear ram, einar. and our little orphaned twin goat, ramona. i don't even know what to say. except that it is so completely disheartening to have this happen. we know the reasons. but it doesn't make them any easier. still feels like failure. still makes us mourn. the strong survive. the weak ones fade. i hate it. i really do. but farming is nature. it is life and death. and birth. and seedlings. and giant tomatoes. and evil hornworms. and dogs. and birds. and bunnies.

with mother nature at the reins 24-7 and with us pulling the plough, it's hard to make room for personal issues. like family. and our own health. a month ago i somehow squeezed in a day to drive up to the big city (st louis) for an overdue visit with my oncologist. been having some symptoms (cough, chest pain, along with some other nags here and there). my onc ordered ct scans of chest, and abdomen. and a bone scan.

bone scan came back great. abdomen shows a few weird things but nothing too scary. yay! yay! i'm so happy. whoo hoo! then comes the chest scan report. first off, i have a ruptured implant. geesh! i had no idea. and second, multiple ground glass nodular opacities in lower and middle lobe of lung. huh? wait! what? first i'm thinking , "it's probably scar tissue from radiation. that's happened before". and secondly i'm thinking "WTF are ground glass opacities?" since i live 2 hours away from my oncologists office, i ask to have a copy of report sent to me. you know, just so i can be sure they are reading it right. because, i am so much smarter than a team of doctors and radiologists!

i finally get report in my hot little hands two weeks later (mail is slow in the middle of nowhere). i rip open envelope and start trying to decipher all the information. well, it's definitely not radiation scar tissue as i had hoped. these new spots are on my other lung. my good lung. and the official report reads, "metastatic disease can not be excluded". wow. i've never seen those words before written about me. so ominous. so frank. so nonchalant.

due to these spots, my oncologist ordered a PET scan. which does not involve pets. all my dogs were upset. especially porkchop. he said he has played a doctor on tv many times and was really hoping for a big break on this one. he said he wouldn't even need money. just bacon.

"PET scans are for people. for people!" i said in my best charlton heston.

a pet scan is another way of getting images. especially when looking for cancer. a glucose/radiation cocktail is injected into the vein. cancer cells metabolize different than healthy cells. the imaging can pick up hot spots where cancer is feasting on some day-glo sugar.

so, on feb 2 (groundhog day) i had my very first non-dog PET scan. it took a long time. you lie on this cold table with your arms above your head and the table moves every 4 minutes and takes another picture and you can't move and after about 15 minutes your arms fall asleep and after about 20 minutes you start to wonder if you still have arms because they no longer feel attached to your body and you do your best yoga breathing and eventually start making weird humming noises until finally test is done and nurse is back in the room with you asking if you are ok because you seem a bit freaked out. and the worst part was..... NO CARBS the evening or morning before hand. OMG! i live on cheese AND bread AND crackers AND pasta. not just cheese and cheese.

so jump forward to this week. PET scan results are in. the damn spots are there. but they are too small to say for sure what they are. we can't rule out cancer. but we can't rule it in. and we can't biopsy because it would require major surgery. so standard protocol is to wait three months and scan again. to see if anything changes.

all i can say, is to a cancer survivor, waiting for results suck. it is a recipe for anxiety. we want to know NOW. we want to be proactive. we hate to be sitting ducks (which by the way we just added the most beautiful flock of moscovy ducks to our farm - more on that in a future post).

thank the lord for xanax and red wine and friends and family and ducks and goats and bunnies and donkeys and pigs and blogs!

i will keep you posted. i'm having a little ol'surgery next week to replace my busted implant. and then, i promise to get back hawking my yarn, and to posting anthropomorphic photos of animals.

my wee little garden.

so, i'm slowly taking back my garden. laying down newspaper and hay to kill out weeds & grass. getting the hydrogen levels in check. killing hornworms with my bare hands. yes, hornworms beware! dusting with diatomaceous earth to kill other pests (we don't use chemical pesticides). and low and behold, baby fruits are being revealed.

gypsy pepper

itty bitty heirloom tomato

eggplant (still needs some de-pesting)

adorable baby cucumber

giganto jalapeno pepper

now for the million dollar question.... anyone know what this plant is?

it is growing all over our pasture. is it a weed? a baby tree? i do not remember seeing it last year. hoping it is not worrisome. perhaps it's something beneficial? the root actually smells quite good. sweet and spicy. ok, so i don't have a million dollars. but i will award some sort of prize (more than likely mohair or vegetable) to the first person to correctly identify this mystery plant.

rest in peace, abraham.

king abraham

my handsome bearded dragon, abraham, passed away this afternoon due to natural causes. i am deeply saddened. he was a good lizard. he loved to eat, had a sweet tooth for tomatoes, and was a great aid in helping abolish the dreaded hornworm infestation of 2008. once the weather clears, he will be buried in the yard next to his dear friend, chelsea.

when he was a wee abe

doing his push-ups

spanish pickles.

yesterday, i was honored to learn the art of making spanish pickles. "what are spanish pickles?" you ask. some folks say it is something made up by my grandmother in law, dorothy. if you look up "spanish pickles" on the internet you might find a recipe or two. but not much else. i first heard about them from my mother in law, rita. she says they are good with beans. and so every time we have beans, i get to hear how rita could "sure use a jar of spanish pickles" and that there's "nothing like 'em" and that "it's been years" since she had a jar. well, i like beans. i like pickles. my curiosity was sparked.

and since i moved to the farm and began to garden, i decided i should also learn how to can & jar. i thought it would be a good idea to figure out what to do with all my tomatoes. and up to two weeks ago, i had an abundance. i was making spaghetti sauce, using 10 tomatoes at a time. and guess what is a major ingredient in "spanish pickles"???? tomatoes. green tomatoes to be exact. so i talked to rita, and rita talked to dorothy, and we agreed we should schedule a time to make a batch spanish pickles while dorothy still remembers how. but then disaster struck. we had a big storm last week and my garden was plagued by a second invasion of hornworms. oh the revisited horror! overnight, a newer bigger uglier batch of hornworms emerged and devoured about 80% of my garden. not only did they eat the leaves, they ate my green tomatoes. next year, it won't be like this. i will be prepared. i will have an arsenal of deterrents up my sleeve. and i will start my first plan of defense this fall by properly turning the soil and composting. but i digress....

getting back to pickles... rita scheduled a "spanish pickle making night" with me, dorothy, rita and her sister, glenda. the ever resourceful dorothy got her hands on some fresh green tomatoes. and we gathered to record this family tradition. here is what i learned....

spanish pickles are made of equal parts of green tomatoes & cabbage. they are chopped in a food processor. and placed into a big pot. white vinegar, canning salt, and red pepper flakes are added for taste. then the pot is placed on stove and boiled just until the mixture starts to turn a darker color. then contents are lightly drained of juice and placed into mason jars. jars were not boiled, but securely fastened by my father in law, glenn. the mixture inside is still hot and you can hear it "popping" the seals shut as they sit. then, jars sit for at least a week, and... voila, spanish pickles! serve with beans, or crackers, or whatever you like.

i still don't exactly know what spanish pickles are. you can add green peppers to the mix. you can add onions. you can make them extra hot or not so hot. you can add more of the juice or less. some folks like 'em. some folks don't. me, i can't wait to try them. 6 more days!

chopped green tomatoes

food processorized

add pepper, salt & vinegar

cook, can & voila!

attack of the giant hornworm part two.

i haven't seen hide nor hair of the nasty hornworms in a few days. maybe a week. not since the potato beetles moved in. this morning, i was out inspecting the garden after a well needed rain. things were looking pretty good. no beetles. no cutworms. and then....i saw the evidence. the tell-tale droppings. and they were big. i knew this was no meager worm. it was going to be a monster. and there he was. giant and eating two baby tomatoes at the same time. the arrogance! the sheer lack of respect. i didn't know whether to pick him off with my hand and risk losing my fingers or grab the shotgun. i'd rather not discuss the execution. but he is no longer a threat. and i will sleep safter tonight. i wish i could say the same for those baby tomatoes.

caught in the act

he left a trace

evil worms.

a few weeks back, my broccoli plants were seriously ravaged over night by cabbage looper worms. i researched organic control and found a recipe for a molasses spray. i mixed it up, sprayed it on, did a dance and.... voila! broccoli saved. hallelujah !

then, i started noticing my tomato plants were looking a little under the weather. yellow leaves. a few dead little 'maters. figured they needed more water. even gave them some coffee grinds. still, more dead leaves. more dead 'maters. thought it might be bunnies. placed human hair clippings around the plants (supposed to ward off rabbits). no luck. then, i spotted him... the biggest worm i'd ever seen. 3 inches long and eating one of my plants. i half expected him to be smoking a hookah.


the culprit was a hornworm. nasty, nasty, nasty. i did more research. couldn't find any organic voodoo recipes. basically, you just need to catch and destroy the worms. and usually if there is one worm, there will be others. so far, i've found two more. luckily, they were not nearly the mammoth size of the first one. he still gives me nightmares. oh, you evil worm!

7/16/08 just adding that i have since caught 10 more worms!