it is with great sadness that i am writing these words. bernadett passed away this morning in my arms. she held on. she fought hard. she was so beautiful. i know it's not fair to the other goats, but she was my favorite. she talked to me all the time. and had such personality. she was a selfless mother. and this farm is so empty without her.
sunday, i feared we would lose her. she seemed "gone". she couldn't stand up at all. we had a surprise snow storm come out of nowhere. and i think the temperature change was too much. after the sun came out and melted most of the snow, i carried her out to the field and just sat with her all afternoon. when i thought she was getting close to giving up, i would tell her it was ok. just to close her eyes and go to sleep and that she would be free. she could run and eat bean pods and crackers and bread and butterscotch treats to her heart's content. but everytime i would say this, her eyes would get really big and she'd yell at me. like she was saying, "hey, i'm not dead yet! i just need to rest!" and by the end of the day she was sitting up eating grass, looking at me and proving me wrong.
yesterday was a really good day. the sun was out. it was warm. she spend the entire day in our yard on a blanket having a dandylion and grass picnic. she'd talk to me when i walked by doing my chores. she'd beg for more dandylions or for some clover. i'd scout the field for just the right tasty leaves. and she'd eat 'em up. she even did some grazing her self. she stayed outside until the sun set. and when the sun was down, i brought her in and she had a late night snack and went to sleep.
but this morning she couldn't even sit nor hold up her head. she refused food. so i brought her into the office with me (my computer room) and i talked to her while i had my coffee. i did a few chores. came back and she tried to talk to me. i knelt down and held her head. she said "goodbye."
we can second guess everything. maybe it was the dogs. maybe a parasite. maybe a fatal disease. we have investigated all possiblities. she gets vaccines. preventative medicine. and she received appropriate treatment for her latest conditions. but i truly believe the truth of the matter is that she was an elderly goat. her body was just getting tired. one of the first signs of old age is a goat's inabilty to stand. she had been falling sporadically for months. actually she has had leg troubles since we got her last year. mother nature is both cruel and gracious. she took bernie from us but left us with her angelic daughter, bianka. and we will always grateful for this gift.