Thursday, June 28, 2007

what a long strange week this has been.

the week began on the tail-end of a 4 day full-blown migraine. no doubt brought on following my pre-op appointment where surgeon told me i could only take tylenol for the next two weeks. i swear this happens every time. the power of suggestion is suggestively powerful.

to relax, i try to watch a movie. "the departed." not exactly relaxing but definitely keeping my mind off my head. but we can't watch the movie because there is this low frequency hum that is becoming increasingly overwhelming. we turn off the sound on the tv but it's still there. my husband investigates. it is coming from the middle of the street. the ground is actually vibrating. and the street is covered with bats. they can't fly because of the hum. one bat flaps across my husband's foot. the noise and vibration continue for about a half an hour. we're pretty freaked out. since we really have no idea who to call in this type of situation, we call our drummer. apparently this was the wise choice because within minutes the sound is gone. we continue our movie. but i'm worried about the bats. so i send jason out to check on them. the street is clear. they must be ok.

by tuesday my head's feeling better and i'm looking forward to a good night's sleep. i drift off just in time to hear what we think are fireworks being shot outside. the police come. block off the street. put tape around my car, my husband's van and a neighbor's truck along with the hallway that runs between the two houses across the street. turns out it wasn't fireworks. but guns. we have no idea if someone has been shot or killed. the police collect two types of bullets. one being from an SKS (another version of an AK47). they are apparently looking for a girl who lives a few doors down.

the next day i'm very sleepy. can't find any information of the shooting anywhere in the local news. like it didn't exist. except the police tape was still up across the street when i left for work. i spend the day looking up country real-estate on the internet. we're getting out of the city. i've had it.

which brings us to today. the day i get my face cut open and sewed shut while only being under local anesthetic. first they shoot you up with some kind of numbing medicine. which ironically hurts. and then they blindfold you. then the surgeon cuts around your cancerous lesion while making small talk. then the cauterizer burns away the oozing flesh while creating a horrible smell. then they tape you up and make you wait while skin is sent to the lab. luckily my husband is there with me. he makes me laugh. we pass the time (about an hour or so). the results come back that there is still some cancer left. i get numbed again. more blindfolding. more cutting. more burning. then more waiting.

finally i get the all clear. thinking the worst is behind me i saunter back into the operating room. that's when the real shit goes down. first they ask me if i want to see what my wound looks like before they sew it up. since i'm curious like a cat, i naively say "yes." holy crap! i have a gaping hole in the middle of my face. a perfetly round hole that goes strait back into red bloody flesh. it's a lot bigger than i was expecting. almost the size of a dime. i felt like i was in part of some freakish experiment. thank god they put the blindfold back. they numb me up some more and start cutting. they have to cut more skin in order to close up wound in a straight line. unfortunately i can feel my skin being cut. so more numbing which again ironically hurts. then more burning. which i can feel as well. so more numbing. then more cutting. and sewing. and burning. and then we are done.

before they bandage it up, they ask if i want to see the scar. of course i say "yes" again. like an idiot. that's why cats have nine lives. i look in the mirror and there is this big ugly mean looking scar staring straight back. my face is swollen and bruised. and that's when the tears start. i just loose it. i'm tired of scars. and doctors. and surgical lights. and the smell of beta dine. let's face it, cancer sucks. it just does.

but that's just today. i'm sure tomorrow will offer a new distraction. probably something spectacular to cap off such a bizarre week. perhaps a unicorn grazing in my backyard covered in snow-flakes made of diamond dust and my dogs will speak and my cats will fly.

2 comments:

ambo the kidd said...

you say this like the dogs dont already speak. puhlease. you like degs? degs? oh. i like dogs. i hope everything goes okay. maybe some fireworks will make you feel better.

Kristi said...

Larissa,
I laughed out loud when you said you called your drummer! That is too funny.
What a week you have had.
I hope you are feeling ok. Thinking about you!!!
love kristi