Wednesday, August 31, 2011

i guess i'm one of those.

i vowed i wouldn't be one of those people who flooded their facebook page with photos of their baby. you know... those people, that after giving birth, they lose their identity. what happened to the photos of road trips? artwork? pets? sexy self portraits? but on july 21, my daughter was born. and i changed. though, not immediately. in the hospital i was still very adamant about limiting the amount of internet exposure i would give to photos of my newborn. i felt overly protective and private. needless to say, i was also without a camera and in lots of postpartum pain.

i love photography. i miss it. i used to walk the farm grounds daily with my camera. taking photos of baby goats chatting, baby chickens hatching, dogs digging holes, horses laughing, ducks and geese clowning. i love capturing moments. i especially anthropomorphic ones. but during the last few months of pregnancy, it was impossible. it was too hot. i was too big and too tired.

when i returned home from the hospital, for the first week, i held fast to my baby-net-posting restrain. i only posted a few photos on my facebook page. you know, to prove that i really did give birth.

since it is was still the middle of missouri-hell-hot summer and i was supposed to be taking it easy, i wasn't able to spend much time outside with the animals. but i missed my camera. so i took a couple shots of my daughter. and so it began...

here i am 6 weeks later. trying very hard to resist the urge to post another photo. and failing. and didn't i already post one yesterday? i even try tricks like including the dogs in the photos. to make them more legit. i guess i'm one of those people now.

oy vey!


Dana said...

I tell people all the time that what I expected least when I gave birth was the complete visceral response of "I will rip your throat out WITH MY BARE TEETH if I even THINK you might want to harm this living thing that came from my body" with in the first seconds of touching my baby for the first time- it was the beginning of becoming one of those people. Just wallow in it, because soon she will grow into her own person and you will get yourself back, though it won't fit the same. But for now, she is your world, and that's really ok. You earned it.

larissa said...

thanks dana!

Kate said...

Agreed!! You do become one of those people, and that's okay. You should. In about a year or two, slowly, you (and your body and that visceral gut reaction) realize that you can be mom and Larissa all at once, with fewer compromises. You will still rip out someone's throat with their bare teeth, but you'll do it while growling out a new song you wrote, on stage wearing the clothes you always wore and drinking the beer you always drank (but the song will be about your baby, of course). I think that happens when your baby becomes a little girl, with her own independent thoughts, actions, and sassyness. It reminds you that you, too, were sassy, and that you ought to get back to the business of being sassy tout de suite. And THEN, you get to be sassy together, which is the BEST. But for now, you're EXACTLY where you're supposed to be.

And I want MORE photos!!!

larissa said...

thanks kate! more photos coming up!

A Parliament of Rooks said...

Congratulation! Becoming "one of those" is only one of the many amazing changes that your (adorable) baby will bring about. Welcome to an amazing, scary, awesome, unimaginable journey!