lord... i'm so tired.

as any egomaniac would do... i love to quote myself. hence the title of this post.

i mean it. i'm tired down to my very bones. been sneaking up on me for some time. thought it was neuropathy leftover from chemo years back. recent blood work showed i'm crazy low in b12. and abnormal in several other related blood factors. so low that it has turned my hands numb, my feet numb, sometimes even my lips. i can barely write with a pen. my hearing goes in and out. and the tears... the tears they fall so easily these days.

when i heard the news i was like... gee... i must not know how to eat. but in fact, that is not the case. i eat plenty of b12 (cheese, eggs, meat, bread). i also eat a balanced diet with lots of fresh veggies from our garden. but apparently, my body can't absorb the b12. we don't know why yet. maybe a autoimmune disorder. maybe intestinal issues. maybe we might never know. but now, and possibly for the rest of my life, i get to give myself b12 injections.

this week, i had a nurse teach me how to give myself a shot. ok, i can give a pig a shot. a goat a shot. a dog a shot. but it totally freaks me out putting a needle into my OWN skin and muscle. but, i'm brave. and i'll give it a go. next shot is in two weeks.

it's just so frustrating. my hands are my life. i play piano. i spin yarn. i crochet. i milk a cow. and i write. preferably with pen and paper. that's how songs happen. right now i can barely hold a pen. so i'm gonna attempt writing on computer for a while. but i'm old fashioned. and ritualistic. and insane. and stubborn.

oh, and a recent CT scan of my chest showed that those spots on my lungs didn't magically disappear as i had thought back in may. they are still there. but they are stable. and my oncologist isn't worried about them right now. so i will try my hardest not too either.

and surprisingly, a recent brain MRI showed that my brain is "grossly normal". ha! take that, science!

so forgive me if my future blog posts might tend to be less fantastical-animal-photo-montages and more like a poorly written autobiographical emotional exorcism. i me me mine.

and now to go along with this narcissistic trend... here are some photos of me (courtesy of kristi collins).

the glamorous life

me and kristi laughing in our beer

my girls

the lace and microphones diet