just call me cancer girl.

so here i am celebrating 5 years of being cancer free, sipping on sangria, watching the sunset and enjoying my summer when i get the call from my doctor. and i hear the damn "C" word again. a lesion on my face that i recently had biopsied came back positive for basal cell carcinoma. the good news is, according to my surgeon, "it is the best cancer to get if you're gonna get cancer." it is very slow growing and almost never metastasizes. bad news is i need more surgery. and i'm gonna have about an inch long scar on my face. i suppose it'll make me look tough. or even more like tina fey.

the doctor said it is nothing compared to everything i've already been through. absolutely nothing to worry about. easier said than done. its much easier to freak out and hyperventilate and cry and worry about what is going to go wrong next. this cancer was easy to spot. it was staring me in the mirror every morning. but what about all the shit that could be mutating deep inside me, hiding behind bones and organs? i start not trusting my body.

i don't even fit the criteria for having skin cancer. i'm not blond haired nor blue eyed. i don't worship the sun. i don't live close to the equator. and i'm not old! the nurse today told me i was a baby compared to the people they usually treat. i told her i've heard that before.

i know this is just a bump in the road. and i'll have a cool scar to add to my collection after this is all said and done. and i'm strong and have a loving husband and supportive family. and i'm gonna be fine. but right now i just want to run away & stick my feet in the sand & sip a fancy drink with an umbrella & listen to led zeppelin IV over and over again. or join a carnival.